My Name Is J.A.P.S.

Will only get better

It doesn’t hurt to be single. Sure, it gets you to places. More time to think, create whatever you wish to. I should know. I was for 19 years.

But it was only since this day last year that I knew things could get better with someone to share food, conversations, and uhhh, food with. :)

To you, most precious. Happy 1st. <3 Thank you for coping with my weirdness.. :))

2 weeks ago Notes (6)

Don’t worry fellas, awkward is the new cool.

(Source: gabebondoc, via apriiilrosales)

1 month ago Notes (390)

Happyendless.: Dinner <3

dasnadine:

After everything that we’d needed to get done, Josey and I finally, finally got to have dinner together as a post-everythingthat’shappened celebration! We ate at Bourbon St. Bistro, one of my favorite places to dine at. I don’t like the photos much, ‘cause I took them and they’re icky and…

2 months ago Notes (6)

dasnadine:

Forever isn’t so far away @japsendaydiego (Taken with instagram)

2 months ago Notes (5)

I am not graduating this month

I am not graduating this month. I have a couple of subjects left to finish. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to finish everything by summer since one isn’t going to be offered come enrollment this April. If I get to pass all that is left for me to take, I’ll be able to finish college by October. Yes, I’d have to pay for matriculation for 2 semesters, case I decide to enroll myself in both.

This is my reality. Nothing more, nothing less. Well, at least at this point in time.

It pains me to hear all these bashing and mocking coming from the people closest to me. I clearly am at fault here. I wasn’t responsible enough. I had different priorities. I became too passionate with other things.

This, I know.

I also know that I am not happy with where I am right now. That I badly, really wanted to once and for all, finish college this 24th. That I can only wish that dream of graduating cum laude is still within my reach. That I am hurt. That I blame myself for not thinking practical. That my wanting to defy standards for what is right and my dreaming too big and working on it too soon got the better of me. That 3 years ago and being on the Dean’s list, this was almost unthinkable.

I needed some space. I needed to clear my mind of all these mixed emotions. I feared I’d become arrogant after this. I was wrong.

I only got weaker. Nothing or no one has ever saddened me more than this fact and I can only hope people closest to me would understand. Being told that nothing seems to matter to me anymore, that there’s a different world out there, that I will need credentials more than anything else, and that I was being too idealistic— THAT I COULDN’T CHANGE THE WORLD.

I am not perfect, I know. I am not entirely good. I am also human and prone to breakdowns and emotional outbursts. I am but a mere 20-year old who dreams too big. I have made decisions that have brought me here. But these too have brought me places I never thought I’d be at this soon.

If there were anything I’d get from this experience, it is knowing how much obsessed we, as a people are with society’s standards. I’m only not graduating on time. That doesn’t say anything else aside from the fact that I REALLY AM NOT GRADUATING ON TIME. I hate how there’s a stigma attached to the tag. Not everyone graduating late is dumb, the same way not everyone graduating on time isn’t. That is one of the many facts we ought not to mind. Now, I’ve decided to make it a personal mission to make sure a few people do. And I hope you, reading this blog post, make it yours too.

I have not been a very good student.

I would like to believe I’m a better person.

There are a billion people out there with the same story. Those of stereotypes, standards, repression, and prejudice. Those stigmatized and judged wrongly. I can only hope they too haven’t given up what they think is right for society’s standards’ sake.

It pays to be different when you know what you’re aiming for.

—————

I am Jose Alfonso Pacturan Sendaydiego.

I am not graduating this 24th of March.

I will change the world.